Sidecar Jon's Totally Accurate Guide To Buying A Second Hand Vehicle And Understanding The Jargon

Ok, now we have all bought a second hand vehicle at some point or other, and most of us have at some time or other felt that perhaps the seller's description was less than accurate- I know it's happened to me.
So, to help the unsuspecting buyer out, here is my own breakdown of what is ACTUALLY meant buy the various terms used in a seller's description.
Do please bear in mind that this is meant to be a tongue in cheek breakdown, although some may well ring true!

1) Mint Condition = Has a large hole in it
2) 1 careful owner = plus twenty mechanical luddites
3) Lady owner = owned by Tank Girl
4) Low Mileage = Doesn't work very often
5) Reluctant sale = Overpriced
6) Classic = Old and overpriced
7) Rare Classic = So dreadful no one bought this vehicle when it was in production
8) Exotic Classic = No one has ever heard of it, parts non existant
9) Few parts needed to complete = Parts unobtainable
10) Barn find = abandoned due to being worn out at least a quarter of a century ago, unlikely to have    improved in the interim.
11) Minor problems = everything is worn out
12) One owner from new = been trying to get rid of this heap for years, no takers
13) Few jobs to complete = engine is in that box, and that one, oh and those three
14) Good working order = may wheeze it's way to your home if you're lucky before expiring on the drive
15) Easy fix = just throw it in a skip
16) Very original = Still running on the original oil, filters, brakes and tires it had 25 years and         300'000 miles ago
17) No leaks = no oil or other fluids
18) Tastefully customised = Elton John would consider it to be too ostentatious
19) Radical Custom = lethal deathtrap
20) Fortune spent = Total money pit, still doesn't work
21) All receipts from new = partner just found out how much has REALLY been spent on it, sexual    favours now withdrawn until vehicle sold (nb motivated buyer, chance for a bargain)
22) Bereavement sale = Recently crashed in a big way
23) Full service history = pre sale inspection stamp from 30'000 miles ago
24) Quick sale needed = stolen
25) Quick sale needed, can deliver = Van/trailer it was parked on also stolen
26) Cheap price if bought today = Stolen, police visit iminant
27) Good runner = you could run faster than this dog
28) Lively handling = completely bloody lethal
29) Owner Maintained = Bodged
30) Dealer maintained = bodged at great expense
31) Small marks consistant with age = Ex banger racer
32) Low mileage for year = higher mileage and the starship Enterprise
33) Usual minor problems associated with this model = Completely knackered and held together with  gaffer tape
34) Minor rust spots = Held together by the tin worms holding hands and prayer